Scary Stuff

Usually I am so positive and energetic. But today or rather this weekend I was caught off gaurd. I am not myself really. I was at my parents cottage this weekend and it was beautiful to look off over the water and watch the scene before me. It was nice to see every detail and watch the sun reflect off the water.

However, it got me thinking...What if this was the last time I ever saw this scene? What if tomorrow I wake up and I can't see? These things are scary for me. I have been so scared lately about my eye and what is going on with it. I have not been very forth coming or honest with people but I am up to three very potent pills a day to try and regulate my spinal fluid and essentially keep the fluid away from my eyes. The spinal fluid is back. I wish it was not the case but it is. I don't dwell on this very often, frankly, it is to scary to put much thought in the seriousness of my situation.

But despite all of the health stuff life is still good and I am so richly blessed, just today a bit scared at what will come next! Whatever it is I am not worried really. I will take it as it comes!

It could always be worse :)

All for a Reason

As most of you know I work with an organization called Anthem of Hope. This organization is dear to my heart to help those with chronic or terminal illness find hope in a hopeless time. Well, recently I have been having some headaches and black outs of my own. They believe my spinal fluid is elevated again. It has been a good run so far, I have been free of pain or symptoms for five years. Now the docs are going to try medication to regulate my spinal fluid.

The last couple days have been very discouraging. Not being able to find out the cause of the fluid after a ton of tests. I have not been in the greatest of spirits. However, today I have come to a realization, with the help of my boss. I am starting to learn that you can not give what you don't have. And my desire is to help others who are struggling with illness.

Well, my perspective is changing to joy in the middle of this situation. I am not happy that all this stuff is happening but I am OK with going through it because my experiences will only help others someday in the future, I am sure of it. In the middle of this trial I chose to have hope. Hope that someday God will use me to reach out to others in similar situations! Because of these experiences I will in turn have empathy for the next person. And that brings me great joy in the middle of this trial :)

Today's Blessing Report: I am so thankful for my boss, Irma! She inspires me everyday :)